The Break(down)
Thursday, August 24, 2017
I like to refer to the last seven months (it might've been longer than that) of my life as "the break". Why? Because I feel like I took a break from life, it passed by so quick, and I had multiple breakdowns. I hardly had an online presence, which is saying a lot since social media used to be my life, because I hated being in my own skin.
I had devoured everything in sight when I was pregnant, I kid you not I had no control over my cravings and the hunger. The result of which made me almost 80kgs when I was full term. Of course I have lost most of the weight by now, but as we all know it isn't the number on the scale that determines how fit one is. I can fit into most of my clothes now but if I'm being totally honest with you, I feel disgusting.
When you love yourself, and are confident in your own skin, no one can bring you down no matter how harsh the words are. If you're insecure, any little comment about you (even if it wasn't even about you) will break you down. Even worse when you spent most of your life being the former because now you don't fucking know what to do with yourself. Excuse my language I am just really passionate about getting this point across.
By gaining weight I had lost myself. I stayed at home even when I am invited out, making some excuse about the baby even when my parents and my in-laws offer to babysit. I hid myself from the world, not taking photographs because I cannot stand to look at myself. I'm only just starting to come out of my shell again. I'm accepting the fact that I was never good at losing weight and that I shouldn't force or expect myself to shed everything especially since I need to keep my calorie intake high for nursing.
I will choose to believe that unflattering photos of myself would make for better "before" photos anyway.
When you love yourself, and are confident in your own skin, no one can bring you down no matter how harsh the words are. If you're insecure, any little comment about you (even if it wasn't even about you) will break you down. Even worse when you spent most of your life being the former because now you don't fucking know what to do with yourself. Excuse my language I am just really passionate about getting this point across.
By gaining weight I had lost myself. I stayed at home even when I am invited out, making some excuse about the baby even when my parents and my in-laws offer to babysit. I hid myself from the world, not taking photographs because I cannot stand to look at myself. I'm only just starting to come out of my shell again. I'm accepting the fact that I was never good at losing weight and that I shouldn't force or expect myself to shed everything especially since I need to keep my calorie intake high for nursing.
I will choose to believe that unflattering photos of myself would make for better "before" photos anyway.
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